I might be new to the whole comic blogging thing, but I do know one thing: Hawkman is a tool. Hawkwoman is really cool, but she’s married to a tool (I much prefer the animated version of Hawkgirl, myself). Here’s why I dislike Hawkman (and Thanagar):

1. The Atom can beat him up: you know, when a 2 inch tall man can kick your feathers, perhaps you should rethink your career choice.
2. Hawkman is stupid: good thinking, Hawkman: hitting the gorilla before he hits you is only the first frickin’ lesson they teach in superhero class.
3. Comes from a super-advanced alien world with all sorts of cool technology (according to the highly-biased Absorbascon), yet he fights with a stupid mace. And still gets his ass kicked by little people.
4. Hawkman had that ugly as sin green and yellow spaceship, yet never once offered to take the Martian Manhunter home.
5. “Tweet! Tweet!”: lamest superpower since Aquaman’s fish telepathy.
6. You know, Adam Strange was never a Wolverine clone.
7. Hawkman always mentioned the “Thanagarian security” installed in the JLA satellite right before some villain bypassed said security.

So, in the Rann-Thanagar War, I think I have to root for Rann. Sure, they imported Adam Strange to fight their battles (which is kinda smart, once you think about it, because Rann can always blame the Earth if something goes really wrong), but it’s that kind of get-it-done philosophy that makes a planet successful.

We should also look at the history of planets that send their heroes to Earth:

• Krypton (Superman): destroyed
• Tamaran (Starfire): destroyed
• Mars (Martian Manhunter): life wiped out

Thanagar has it coming.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 25th, 2005 at 12:05 am and is filed under DC Comics, Random Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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